I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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