Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
