We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
