Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
