i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
