Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
