Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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