He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
