if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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