Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
