So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
