well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so let's talk penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
