My Higher Power is John Stamos
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
