if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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