He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you win again, gameday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
