This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
did i just pee glitter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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