So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
