Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
