so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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