I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
