that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
