You can't motorboat a personality
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
