thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
