Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
