I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
