this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
