he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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