I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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