To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
