Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
