You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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