my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
