It's Friday. Sex?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
