We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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