Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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