I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
