i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
