You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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