My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
