I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you had me at cake vodka
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
