I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
