dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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