I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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