i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
