...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
