I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
