how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
