I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
