I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
