There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
