i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
