is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
