Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
