i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
