Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
