Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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