True but thats because hes a fetus.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's never too late to be topless.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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