I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
