D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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