i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
