she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
